Alexandra’s story

Alexandra’s grandma, who has mobility problems, lives with her and her partner. She finds that being needed can be both good and bad.

‘It can be really hard, but focus on the positives – helping someone is a beautiful thing that we can do. Remember that a lot of people do this.’

How did you start to be a carer?

A few years ago my grandma got sick and was in a nursing home, then when she recovered she needed someone to take care of her so she came to live with us. She is 82 and has trouble moving around and uses a walker.

What is happening now?

She has a room in our house which has a bathroom attached and doors to the back yard and to the kitchen. The room is all set up so she has everything at hand, and the bathroom has been modified for her so she can move around and use it easily.

I do most things around the house for her – I make her meals every day and do the cleaning and washing. It’s just a part of my routine now.

I also work retail shifts, so if I have to work then sometimes I need to rely on my partner to help out, such as giving her medications. My dad is a Chinese medical practitioner so he also comes over a couple of times a week to do acupuncture on her knee.

‘I don’t usually talk about what’s hard being a carer; I usually just say things are fine.’

What is the hardest thing about being a carer?

I don’t have much time for myself, because even when I am at home I’m still working. My downtime is my other work. There’s always something I can be doing – washing, preparing food for the next day – so I never feel like I can fully relax. I guess the work is not difficult because it’s part of my routine, but it’s more the fact that I always have to do it. I can’t just have a day off.

Being a carer puts a strain on my relationship with my partner. And it also creates a divide between me and my friends. I can’t really talk to them about what goes on – they just can’t relate. I don’t usually talk about what’s hard about being a carer; I usually just say things are fine.

What is the best thing about being a carer?

Spending time with her is great. And it’s such quality time. Before she moved in, I would see her but it was just visiting. This is real bonding. She sometimes teaches me old recipes and I feel lucky to be able to get to spend this time with her.

I like the feeling of being needed. But it’s a double-edged sword – being relied upon is both the hardest and the best thing about being a carer.

I like the feeling of being needed. But it’s a double-edged sword – being relied upon is both the hardest and the best thing about being a carer.

What have you found that helps you?

My partner. Even though caring does strain our relationship, having someone who knows what I’m going through makes all the difference. I like being able to talk about all the mundane day-to-day things no one else is interested in – what I’m cooking, what food she likes, what I’m going to do tomorrow.

And little things he does like massaging my feet also helps – between working in retail and what I’m doing at home I’m on my feet all day, so a massage is lovely.

What would you like to tell other carers?

It can be really hard, but focus on the positives – helping someone is a beautiful thing that we can do. Remember that a lot of people do this.

Having people around you for support is so important. Have that network around you – both to help with caring and to support you.